Positive Developments at Church

I was really nervous about church this morning, both because of last week and because it was my second time as chalice bearer--and the last time I performed those complicated responsibilities was six weeks ago. It went beautifully, though, and I really enjoyed serving at the altar as well as connecting with the other LEM and the acolyte, who happened to be my dear new friend from the parish. It was a little awkward at first that I ended up paired with the rector for most of the service: I bore the Gospel book out in the procession and held it for him to read, we stood side by side at the altar and worked together at the rail and then going out into the congregation to the disabled folks. But that also provided some healing by the end of the service, as it is hard to serve and pray together and maintain full hostilities--and the leadership role and the privilege of offering the chalice to all those solemn, beautiful faces eased my usual pain at being silenced in the pew while he abuses his power or glosses over the fact of having done so. Even the mediocre sermon couldn't do much to damage my peace of mind, especially when I meditated on those awesome readings.

Afterward there was a birthday party in the play area which TG took the kids to, which turned out to be a blessing because I ended up connecting well with a wide variety of loved parishioners--including a healing team sister who had been waiting to see if I was staying in town to ask me for spiritual direction! (And enthused at length again about the Ignatian retreat). I talked to the other team sister whose perspective I no longer share, which was a little awkward and at first guilt-inducing as I realized she was assuming I did--but surely being able to be loving to both sides, agreeing on as much as I could without lying about anything I didn't, is a sign of maturity and growth. TG and I had looked at local churches again last night for at least a part time escape, and found the TEC church we went to last year now has moved the contemporary service to Saturday evening--and that the nasty priest who drove me away is gone--so we will probably try that next week to free up Sunday. But today really confirmed again that this is my community, I am not leaving, and I can move beyond and hold more lightly the things that have caused so much pain. Thanks be to Godde.

I got home to find the letter from the associate rector and wrote a great reply, cc'd to the youth minister--with TG's vetting of course--and felt even more regaining of my freedom and dignity and valid power. So then it felt great to read a couple chapters of Chamber of Secrets with Ladybug while TG and HB did their computer wargame. We will head out for the year's first beach outing imminently and TG and my date can be dinner while HB reads to and tucks in Ladybug (hence the preemptive mom and daughter time). Couldn't be more different than last weekend in some ways and yet it is the fruit of last weekend and the loving mercy of Godde as found in Her people is the same. Tired but grateful and peaceful. Good week and good Sunday.