Letter to the Associate Rector

In response to her letter, and cc'd, with a bit of immature enjoyment, to YouthMinisterFromHell. She did present the meeting as a requirement, though in lowkey terms: "Rector feels that it would be helpful for you, me, and YouthMinister to meet" and "Please let me know your schedule as regards meeting with YouthMinister." That made it easy to follow my plan of treating it as an offer and graciously and gratefully declining--while including some key information I am quite sure he left out of his presentation at the staff meeting. I will be curious to see her response but can't imagine her pushing much to force me in there, nor the Rector--who will be gone, thank Godde, for all of July for his personal vacation and General Convention. Feels so good to finally be able to handle this stuff like a smooth grownup--even if it took till age 44!

Dear Associate Rector,

Thank you so much for your loving concern for us and for HockeyBoy....[details on that situation].

Thank you also for offering to meet with YouthMinister and me, but I am not comfortable doing that as I believe it would be both personally unsafe and ministerially unproductive. On the personal level, I was not the only one who spoke pain-driven, pain-causing words last Sunday--just the only person who has taken responsibility for her part of the situation and made amends. We experienced YouthMinister as aggressive and sarcastic, including mocking my professional credentials as a theologian, and I fled to coffee hour last Sunday in some trauma. So I was further hurt and disappointed when his return email accepting my prompt apology for my behavior failed to include any apology for his own. TechnoGuy and I were also quite surprised that he was left out of this suggested meeting and that, rather than asking if I were willing to attend, YouthMinister informed me of it as if he had the authority to require this. Given all of this background, I believe the best way to safeguard my serenity and move on is to limit my personal contact with YouthMinister, while remaining scrupulously pleasant in group settings.

On the ministerial level, YouthMinister has made clear that he disagrees with each of our concerns about the youth program and refuses to make any changes, so I see no point in continuing a frustrating and unproductive discussion. I am well equipped to handle HockeyBoy's spiritual and theological formation at home, and I do value the community bonding experience that the youth group provides.

Thanks again for your kindness and concern (and also for the Riverside blessing this morning--always balm to my heart).

Peace,

Sophia